Forget “Youze guys.” If a recent court ruling stands, New Yorkers might soon be greeting each other with a big “Where Y’at!”
According to papers filed in New York Federal Court by Earl “Big Chief” Washington, last week Washington and his Mardi Gras Indians bought Manhattan Island from an unsuspecting Mayor Eric Adams for $24 in Mardi Gras beads and doubloons.
Washington and the Indians were in New York as part of an event to highlight tourism in New Orleans, which Mayor Adams and several TV news crews also attended.
Earl “Big Chief” Washington, seen here, and his Mardi Gras Indians bought Manhattan Island last week from an unsuspecting Mayor Eric Adams for $24 in Mardi Gras beads and doubloons.
“We played some Professor Longhair and did our thing,” said Washington, “And the mayor couldn’t stop getting his picture took with us for the TV. Telling us how much he supported Native Americans and all they been through and all that.”
The Mardi Gras Indians are a uniquely New Orleans Mardi Gras tradition with flamboyant costumes, not Native Americans in traditional garb.
“I was trying to tell him we ain’t real Indians, but when he saw the two old ‘Krewe d’Etat’ bags full of beads and doubloons we brought along for the kids… we couldn’t get him away from them.”
Washington, in jest, offered the beads and doubloons—valued at a mere $24—for Manhattan. To his shock, the mayor accepted, even signing a Bill of Sale on camera.
“After a 20-minute speech in front of the cameras apologizing for the oppression of the Native Americans, the mayor agreed. He even signed a Bill of Sale selling Manhattan Island for $24. I mean, turn-about is fair play, right?”
Adams later issued a statement from Gracie Mansion dismissing the whole idea: “Mayor Adams made a symbolic gesture of solidarity with oppressed native peoples everywhere. But no one would ever seriously consider giving away billions of dollars of someone else’s property for nothing.”
Washington replied, “The man should maybe read about what he says.”
If the Court sides with the Mardi Gras Indians, Washington says he plans to make some changes.
An unwitting New York City Mayor Eric Adams, seen here with a chestful of beads received in exchange for giving up his goods, smiles after the historic transaction.
First, Times Square will be renamed ‘Picayune Square,’ and Battery Park will become ‘Moonwalk North.’ The Empire State Building will become the ‘Leah Chase Building’ and Central Park will become the ‘Neutral Grounds.’ Then, several notable streets will be renamed including Fifth Avenue becoming ‘Five O’Four Avenue,’ Wall Street converting to ‘Y’all Street,’ and Broadway becoming ‘Big Freedia Way.’
“And I definitely want some ‘flying horses’ installed in Central Park.”
Washington also said he plans to have a new name for Trump Tower, but it cannot be repeated in a family-oriented publication such as this.
Other New Orleanians are signing on to the idea.
Renowned attorneys Morris Bart and Mike Brander reportedly have leased every single billboard in Picayune (formerly Times) Square for the next 30 years except for one, a billboard the size of a football field, reserved by crooner Ronnie Lamarque of Lamarque Ford and America’s Got Talent fame to showcase his latest music videos.
With this ruling pending, New Yorkers may soon wake up to second lines down Broadway and a set of purple, green, and gold LED lights on the Brooklyn Bridge.
