In a sobering turn of events, the New Orleans City Council has officially banned the use of taxpayer dollars for alcohol purchases during work travel, forcing city employees to pre-game on their own dime.
The decision cuts off booze reimbursements, leaving municipal morale and minibar sales in free fall.
The ordinance, introduced by Council Vice President Helena Moreno and passed unanimously (with one absence due to what we can only assume was a very long happy hour), prohibits reimbursement for alcoholic beverages on city business. The move aligns New Orleans with state law and other municipalities that have, apparently, been dry this whole time.
“It’s a common-sense measure,” said Council President JP Morrell. “If you’re traveling on official business, the only thing getting lit should be the agenda.”
A new policy notice greets city staff with the cheerful reminder that the bar tab is now a personal responsibility and possibly a spiritual journey.
While the council insists this isn’t a direct response to Mayor LaToya Cantrell’s well-documented travel expenses—which included international flights, luxury accommodations, and enough bar receipts to host a respectable cocktail festival—the timing was suspiciously close to her second trip to D.C. in three weeks.
Cantrell’s office did not comment, although her travel itinerary now reportedly includes a stop at Duty Free “for strategic purposes.”Cantrell’s office did not comment, although her travel itinerary now reportedly includes a stop at Duty Free “for strategic purposes.” At press time, all we could make out when calling her office was loud music, clinking glasses, and someone shouting, “Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots!” (We assume they meant vaccine boosters.)
City staffers are scrambling to adapt to the new rules. One anonymous department head said the ban would “fundamentally change how we negotiate with other cities, particularly over drinks.”
A newly released travel beverage policy outlines what city employees can and can’t expense while on official trips. Spoiler: bottled tears are still allowed.
New employee guidelines include:
- No charging alcohol to the city. This includes wine, beer, spirits, and anything served with a mini umbrella.
- Mocktails are allowed but must be consumed with genuine sadness.
- BYOB policies must not interfere with team-building exercises or elevator small talk.
The council also rejected a last-minute amendment that would have allowed “emotional support daiquiris” for flights over two hours.
At press time, City Hall insiders were circulating a list of approved travel snacks and “non-liquid courage” options, including dry-roasted peanuts and TED Talks.
An artist’s rendering of what Mayor LaToya Cantrell likely looked like when learning that taxpayer-funded beverages are now off the table—literally.
With the booze budget gone and travel perks drying up, city employees say they’re adjusting—but morale has taken a hit. One staffer summed it up best: “We didn’t sign up for Dry January to last all fiscal year.”
